Ok, so that’s not the best way to go about telling your wife or girlfriend that she needs to start working out.  Perhaps you’ve been nagging her for awhile that she needs to exercise.  But your nagging is what’s keeping her from doing anything.  Or maybe she’s been hinting at wanting to exercise for awhile, but doesn’t know how to go about it.  And frankly, she’s a little intimidated by you and your meathead buddies.  She doesn’t want to bench 500 and she certainly doesn’t want to work out with a bunch of beefed up, wife-beater-wearing, shaker cup-carrying fatties. 

So, what is the best way to introduce your girl to the wonderful world of working out without causing her to swear it off forever?  There are 3 different levels that will progressively lead her to getting to the gym.  And most importantly, I will explain HOW to tell her.  Females are wired differently, guys.  So you can’t say the same things you would say to your gym buddy.  It’s not very often you can get inside a girl’s mind (as it relates to your girlfriend or wife), so here’s your chance.   Read on!!

LEVEL 1

The most important thing to do FIRST is get your wife/girlfriend/significant other to do something.  Since they aren’t currently active, anything is a good start.  I suggest starting with walking.  Offer to go for a walk with her in the evenings.  Don’t mention anything about losing weight, burning calories or anything with the word “fat”.  Simply suggest it as a way to get outside for some fresh air and spend some quality time together.  (No, guys, quality time is not always gym time.)   I guarantee she’ll be game for that.  It gives her a chance to get out of the house and is simple enough that she won’t feel intimidated.  Set a schedule to go a few nights a week, working up to almost every day.  And I’m not saying you have to be out for 2 hours.  Start with 15 minutes and work up. This is also a good time to suggest that the two of you go to the doctor to get a check-up.  Cholesterol, blood pressure and other blood tests are good to keep in check.  The emphasis is health!

Once she has gotten in the habit of doing something (and now that you two have talked more in the past month than you did in the past year), you can begin to encourage her to do a different activity.  Changing the mode can keep things fresh and give her a chance to explore new activities.  Suggest rollerblading or biking.  Who cares if you’re not good at it!  This is about your girl, remember?  (Besides, if you’re not good at it, maybe you should try doing more of it anyway.)   And remember, it’s quality time for the two of you. 

My husband and I go for walks a few nights a week.  Sometimes it’s after the gym workouts and sometimes it’s on our off days.  But we both enjoy it because we get a chance to talk.  And not just “How was your day?”

Key points to remember at this level:

·        It’s about quality time.  You and her spending time together is something that she will enjoy.

·        Getting to the doctors for a check-up emphasizes that it’s about health reasons too.  Tell her that it’s important for you to be healthy so that you will be around and active for the kids.  She’ll jump on board with that. 

·        Change the mode.  Keep her interested with different activities. 

LEVEL 2

Ok, you’ve made it this far.  Summer months have past.  It’s getting colder outside so walks and bike rides are out of the question.  Here’s where you introduce the gym to your girlfriend or wife.  Tell her that she can continue her walking and biking at the gym.  But it’s still important that you go with her.  Going to the gym is a new environment and she probably thinks it’s only for muscle heads. 

Tell her that you have enjoyed walking with her over the summer and would like to continue it throughout the winter.  Getting her to the gym is the first step.  And since you’re continuing to exercise with her, go on your off days or a time when you can both do it together.  Don’t just expect to take her to the gym, drop her off at the treadmill, then go work out with your friends.  She still needs your support.  Slowly work up in length of time or intensity.  If you’ve been walking for 20 minutes, try going 30.  This also gives her an opportunity to go at a different pace than you.  If she wants to walk faster, she can. 

Another way to approach her is to say, “Honey, I’m going to the gym to walk on the treadmill.  Wanna come with so we can talk and spend some time together?”  You’re emphasizing the quality time aspect and that’s appealing to her.  Hopefully, by now, she is starting to enjoy exercising too!  If your gym has a daycare center, it’s a great way to get away from the kids for a little.  That is also a turn-on for her.  Chances are she’s been dealing with the kids all day and needs a break. 

Being at the gym will also give her a chance to see other women working out.  It will dispel any myths she may have about women and weight training.  Although she may not jump on that band wagon right away, it’s something she’ll see every time she goes. 

Key points to remember at this stage:

·        Health and quality time.  It’s still about you two spending time together, but now she is interested in exercising too.  You’re killing 2 birds with 1 stone.

·        She will work harder or go faster when she is ready.  Don’t push her too much.

·        She won’t go from housewife to hero overnight.  Give her time to adapt and find things that she likes to do. 

LEVEL 3

Her interest may be sparked now.  She’s been exercising for several months now and she has even seen women at the gym weight training.  So now is your opportunity to introduce her to free weights.  She doesn’t know what she’s doing and she’s probably still intimidated as this is something new for her.  Tell her the following and she how she responds:  “I’m going to take a week off from heavy lifting with the guys.  If you want, I can work out with you and show you some exercises.” 

By now, she should be interested as she’s probably in better shape and understands the benefits of working out and weight training.  Give her some basic exercises.  Start with 1-2 total body workouts a week and see if she likes it.  Here is a good start (superset items with the same number):

1A) Squats 2 x 12-15 reps

1B) DB Bench Press 2 x 12-15 reps

2A) Lunges 2 x 8 each leg

2B) 1 Arm Bent Rows 2 x 10 each arm

3A) Bicep Curls 2 x 12

3B) Tricep Ext. 2 x 12

4A) Stability Ball Crunches 2 x 20

4B) Alternating Leg Raises 2 x 10 each leg

It’s short and sweet.  It hits all the muscle groups and includes a few areas that will be of concern to your girl.  It’s important that she does exercises that she wants to do.  Now, you and I both know that curls are not the most important thing, but if she wants to do it, let her. 

So, she’s working out and enjoying it.  But let’s face it… she doesn’t want to talk training with you.  Introduce her to T-nation.com or F-heit.com so she can network with and get support from other women.  E-mail the link to her at work and say, “Hey, I found this website (F-heit.com) that is specifically for women and exercising.  Thought you might like to check it out.”  That way you’re not forcing her into looking at the same websites that you do.  She’ll slowly get involved and eventually make her way to other sites. 

Key points to remember at this level:

·        Offer to work out with her for a week (during your off-week). 

·        Suggest that she does a total body workout.  Telling her to do squats because her legs are flabby is not very smart.

·        Compliment her.  Tell her that she’s looking great and you’re proud of her.  Maybe even buy her a cute little something for all her hard work.

NUTRITION

Now, let’s talk about the other aspect of getting your girl in shape and healthy.  Females take things a little personally. So, don’t criticize what she’s eating.  Instead, slowly start to phase out some of the junk food in the house and provide better choices.  Offer to do the cooking a few times a week as well.  And no, cooking does not involve the blender.  By cooking a few meals a week, you can start to offer veggie choices and lean meats. 

Another important thing to remember is this:  If you’re on the gain program, so is she.  You’re trying to gain weight (or keep your weight up) so you’re eating large helpings and junk food.  That’s fine if you want to gain weight, but get your junk food and fast food in some other time.  If you’re serious about creating a healthy environment between you and your girl (and the rest of your family as well), then you can sacrifice a few things at home.  Respect that when she asks you to not bring junk food home because she’s trying to get in shape. 

On top of doing some of the cooking, do some grocery shopping as well.  If she notices that you’re bringing home all healthy foods, then she’ll start to change the way she shops too.  My mom used to bring home cookies and chips all the time because she knew my dad liked them.  She thought it was a nice gesture by buying things my dad liked.  Well, little did she know that she was hurting both of them.  Sure he liked that stuff, but he mostly just ate it because it was in the house.  And since they were around and dad was snacking on them, mom ended up eating them too.  So if neither of you buys crap food, then it’s not in the house and it’s much more difficult to get your hands on it.  It’s much easier to eat healthy as a family, then have one person eating healthy and the other eating junk.

Key points to remember:

·        Do some of the cooking.  Not only will she appreciate the help, but you’ll be able to offer some healthy options.

·        Make it about health, not weight loss.  Girls freak out when people try to manipulate their food in order to lose weight.  But if it’s about lowering cholesterol or reducing the risk of heart disease, she’ll be on board.

·        If you’re gaining weight, so is she.

·        Do some of the grocery shopping.  Or at least make it a team effort so she is aware of the healthy options (rather than frozen, boxed meals). 

While we’re on the topic of nutrition, I had to share this great recipe I’ve found that has saved me literally thousands of calories and lots of money.  I was in a bookstore one day and happened to come across a recipe book from a well-known supplement company.  I skimmed through it, specifically looking at the “dessert” section, seeing if they had any healthy, yet tasty treats.  I found one, tried it and have it a couple times a month.  Simply put, it’s ice cream.  Ok, it’s more of a Wendy’s frosty texture, but very good nonetheless.  Ok, ok, here’s my best kept secret (I can’t believe I’m giving it away!)

·        2 bananas, chopped and frozen (freeze at least a day in advance… this is the perfect opportunity to use those bananas that are starting to turn brown.  Freeze them and they are totally usable.)

·        ½ cup skim milk

·        2 scoops chocolate protein (you can use more protein or a different flavor if you’d like.)

Blend milk and protein in blender til mixed.  Slowly drop in pieces of frozen banana.  Blend til completely mixed.  It will be thick.  You can eat it right out of the blender (Frosty style) or put back in freezer for 2-4 hours for a more frozen consistency.  The entire recipe contains 480 calories, 4.5 g fat, 68 g carbs, and 52 g protein.  (Protein may vary depending on what brand you use.)  So, if you split it between the two of you, it’s not a bad evening snack and it’s way better for you than regular ice cream.  (You can also add natural peanut butter to the blender which is a fine choice to get in some good fats.)

CONCLUSION

There you have it.  It’s not rocket science, but it is important in how you say it to your girlfriend/wife.  If you’ve been trying to get her to work out for a long time, this may help break through to her.  Use this progression of how to get her going without being a pain in the ass.  Take the nutrition tips to heart as a weight gainer and a weight loser don’t mix. If she’s trying to lose and you’re trying to gain, be respectful of that.  After all, you still want her to look like she’s in her 20’s when she’s in her 50’s, right?

About the Author

Julia Ladewski is a Sports Performance Coach at the University at Buffalo.  She is a competitive powerlifter, totaling elite in two weight classes (132 & 148).  Her best lifts are 463 squat, 240 bench, 424 deadlift and 1102 total at 132.  She is a Q&A staff member for Elite Fitness Systems as well.  You can check out her website at www.ladewskistrength.com for more articles and free newsletter.